The Bathing Suit

Today is weigh in day, 154.5 woohoo! So I thought I'd post a funny story about bathing suit shopping. Actually it's really not funny, it's scary but what the hell, I'm sure quite a few of you ladies out there can relate!!

The Bathing Suit (by an unknown middle-age woman )

When I was a child in the 1950s, the bathing suit for the mature figure was-boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift, and they did a good job.

Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip.

The mature woman has a choice, she can either go up front to the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus that escaped from Disney's Fantasia, or she can wander around every run-of-the-mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of fluorescent rubber bands.

What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which gives the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you would be protected from shark attacks. Any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash.

I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place I gasped in horror, my boobs had disappeared!

Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.

The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view assessment.

The bathing suit fitted all right, but unfortunately it only fitted those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom and sides. I looked like a lump of Playdoh wearing undersized cling wrap.

As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, "Oh, there you are," she said, admiring the bathing suit.

I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me.
I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two-piece that gave the appearance of an over sized napkin in a serving ring.

I struggled into a pair of leopard-skin bathers with ragged frills and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a rough day.

I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in mourning.

I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.

Finally, I found a suit that fitted, it was a two-piece affair with a shorts-style bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured.

When I got it home, I found a label that read, "Material might become
transparent in water."

So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this year and I'm there too, I'll be the one in cut-off jeans and a T-shirt! 

and here's another senario:

 Well I didn't write that but I may as well have, it's the reason I don't even own a bathing suit!! LOL

So last night I got lazy, I made something I usually make from scratch but while I was at Kim Phat I picked up a pre-made mix for mapo/mabo tofu. I guess you could call it a Chinese version of Hamburger Helper LOL.

You just need to add your own tofu chunks and ground pork which I replaced with TVP (textured vegetable protein).

I was quite surprised at how it turned out, I'd say it's almost exactly like scratch!! The only thing I'd like to gripe about is the heat. Normally I make it pretty mild but even being the medium hot mix...

It turned out looking just like in the pic except I added some *sticky rice to eat with the sauce, so I didn't bother adding my own pic... LOL!

and I used extra firm silken tofu instead of regular tofu...

Sticky Rice in a Microwave

 The Recipe for today, How to cook Sticky Rice in a microwave. Turns out it's a "sticky" subject, the traditional method of cooking is steamed in a banana leaf colander which is great if you have it but in the end you're left with quite a mess and pretty much the same rice as my method.

My way, you need a small covered glass casserole and your microwave.
Add 1 cup of sticky rice to the casserole, add 1-1/4 cup cold water, cover and let soak for 20-30 minutes. Pop it in the microwave and cook on high for 3 minutes, remove, stir and return for another 3 minutes. Voila! Perfect sticky rice, no mess!

Note: do not increase or decrease the quantities, this method is for 1 cup of dry uncooked rice only...